Final "Firing" Poem

The following poem is the final piece of what I call my Firing Trilogy - My Vein of Gold mandala, The Door poem, and this, Rainbow. They were part of my healing process and were important when I had a trial against my former employer. I used them to buffer the onslaught of negativity that comes with a trial, mainly an effort to destroy me as an individual and social worker. It took years of hard work to put things in perspective and move on. You may think that by revisiting this time in my life I am going backward, but actually it feels like I am creating the base for how I became a bead artist. I truly feel that sometimes profound events have to happen in our lives to wake us up and embrace what it is we truly want.

Rainbow

On a Sunday night I saw a beautiful rainbow over the autumn foliage at Gallup Park.

The sky was black, and from a break in the clouds the sun was shining just so it hit the tops of the trees, magnifying each hue of orange, red, and magenta of the changing leaves.

I have never seen anything like it before, the black of the sky, the brilliance of the leaves.
It was truly magnificent. It was like a message was being sent:

There is beauty in life even with change and loss.
From pain can come new energy and appreciation for the things that matter.

An ending can become a beginning, a time for growth.
The loss of old dreams can be replaced with new ones.

We don't always know what the challenges in life are going to be, there's not a script we can always follow. Our lives are constantly being rewritten and revised.

Perhaps the real challenge is to grasp the rainbow when we see it.

Doors

I bought a new issue of Belle Armoire Jewelry today. One of the featured artists' is Lori Wilkes.
As I was looking through her Web site, she had a section of pieces called Metaphoric Doors. She writes beautifully about doors (her doors are beautiful also), and I quote her:

"Doors are a perfect metaphor for change. Like chapters in a book, they provide us with fresh beginnings and intriguing endings. They swing open to future possibilities and close quietly on past (and sometimes painful) experiences. Doors can protect us, entice us, mystify us and make us pause. It's amazing how much of our lives are lived between the opening and closing of doors."

After posting my poem on doors earlier today, and then reading this, I feel like there is some kind of synchronicity. I feel there is a new door opening in my life, and have been feeling this way for a while. There is something awaiting me on a path that I have yet to explore, but am getting ready for. I am eagerly looking forward to the change!

The Clearing

In the summer of 1997 I went to a wonderful place called The Clearing, in Door County, Wisconsin. I took a class on journal writing taught by Darlene Cole, which was just lovely. Darlene was a person you felt comfortable with, and her suggestions for things to do with your journal widened my journaling experiences. The following poem came out of that week:

I was looking for an exit.
I tried the door, and found that
rather than opening out, it turned in,
and that is how I found myself.

By going inward, to the interior of myself,
I found what I had never lost
but had misplaced, forgotten, left unattended.
Dormant
I began to recycle.
Creativity
Exploration
Discovery.

A mystery: Why did I leave myself at the roadside?
An answer: It remains unsolved.

The past is fertile ground for becoming whole.
A completeness nurtured by loss,
A compass guided by mourning,
A path that leads to my Self,
A greeting that beckons hello.


August, 1997, The Clearing

My Vein of Gold

Sometimes life throws us unexpected curves. On this day, August 23, 1996, I was fired from my job as a medical hospital social worker after a very traumatic event that involved the daughter of a patient and myself. My life changed forever on that day. I never truly recovered from being fired. I lost my desire to continue with social work, and I never found a replacement career.
What I did discover, though, was The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron, a book that helped people recover their artistic creativity. I saw an ad for a session being held at the local art center a few weeks after I was fired. It was like a message was being sent to me that this was my next step.
The class lasted 12 weeks. It was my saving grace. Everything else in my life had crashed and burned.

After I finished The Artist's Way program, I signed up to do Julia's next book, the Vein of Gold. The above mandala reflects the influence of that process for me. I titled the mandala My Vein of Gold. It was the beginning of a new awakening of the artist I had always wanted to be. In a sense, social work is an art, because you are always looking for creative ways to help people. But it was an outward art, not an inner one. Now I was looking inward, exploring the call to art that had been with me since I was a child. This mandala reflects that experience. I remember it took me hours to draw and color. It was a healing process, a coming together of wholeness, and a vision of the future.

New Bracelets

A few new bracelets to show off! Above, a hugs and kisses bracelets with a beaded bead closure and siam 3mm crystals down the middle.




Below, the Razzle Dazzle Bracelet I mentioned in my last post.

Red Bracelet

Remember Wendy's wedding bracelet that I showed a while ago? Well, I made one in red, using an array of red and pink drop beads and a rainbow of red crystals. I love this bracelet!

July BJP

My beloved father died August 2, 1998, also the 10th day of Av, which is Tisha B'av, the commemoration of the destruction of the second temple, during which the Book of Lamentations is read. My father died at the age of 64 of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. The day he died the Blue Angels flew over the house as part of the show at nearby Hanscom Airforce Base. It seemed a fitting tribute to my father.

My father became an avid birder in the last several years of his life. He and a pal enjoyed spending time going to the Audobon Sanctuary and other places and watching birds. It was a relaxing contrast to his normally busy work schedule and gave him a much needed respite.

In honor of my father, George A. Kolovson, I have made a mandala in memory of him for my July BJP. If you read my blog, you will know that a little while ago I posted a photo of a birdbath that I can see from my computer window. Initially I thought that the birdbath was what I was beading. But as I beaded, it became apparent that I was really beading memories of my father.

Below you can see a mandala I drew shortly after my father died. In keeping with his love of birds, my parents back yard was designed to attract as many different birds as possible.



This mandala was drawn the day before my father died. I was sitting on the front steps of my parents home and started this mandala. Initially it was part of their garden, but if you use your imagination you can also see that I incorporated an oceany feel, because my father also loved the beach.

I was fortunate to be at home when my father died. My father-in-law had just died 6 weeks previously. My husband and I were spending as much time as we could in Massachusetts, while the kids were at overnight camp back home in Michigan. It was a difficult summer. Both of us feel honored and saddened that we were with our father's when they died.

Friday errands

Every Friday I have a routine for the errands I run. Today was slightly different because I waited for Dennis, above, to get a ride to the airport. He'll be in France for the week. More time for playing with clay for me!


The I go to the local branch of our library. I actually go 2-4 times a week, since I love to read, and love libraries.


I head toward my next destination. I've waited to turn left at this traffic light hundreds of times.
One more left so I can go into the shopping center.
A stop at Barnes & Noble to check if any new magazines have come in...or beading books!
Sometimes I go to Panera's for a cup of coffee and a bagel.
Then my big stop, Whole Foods. I know some people call it whole paycheck...but I'm a vegetarian and the best selection in one place for foods I eat is WF. Plus, they get their bread delivered from Zingerman's, who makes the best bread. I pick up a loaf of challah and pumpernickel.

Aren't these flowers pretty?


One more left turn traffic light. This one is a long wait.


Ah, turning onto my road...almost home.
And here I am, back at home. I have just completed a big circle. Now to unload books and groceries.

And that's my Friday, every Friday. It's like an anchor at the end of the week. Hope your week has been a good one!